Trust

I always thought I trusted God. Why would I not and how could I not? I recently I realized that was not the case.

After some encouraging from one friend and a good kick in the butt from another, I decided to start seeing a counselor the Friday before Mother's Day. It took a lot of swallowing of my pride to acknowledge I needed help dealing with my mother's breakdown and my parents' divorce. It was the best six hours and money I have ever spent. I’ve always been an advocate of counseling but after six sessions, I told my counselor that I would be happy to become the poster child for her. I knew it would help but I did not realize how it would drastically change the way my anxious mind saw the world. Since essentially I was recovering from a traumatic event, I participated in EMDR therapy. When my counselor starting talking about helping me think in a clear way, I thought oh no… she’s a quack. She thinks she can hypnotize this control freak….. That. Ain’t. Happening. Well I was happy to learn that EMDR does not involve hypnotizing me. Basically EMDR uses things to stimulate the brain because research has proven over and over again that the brain heals quicker from a traumatic event when it is stimulated in a different way. The method used for me was I held little vibrators that buzzed back and forth in my hands…. It sounds hilarious. I realize this. I use to tell my friends I was off to hold my vibrators. But kid you not, this stuff works. In six short sessions, I became a new and improved Amy. Does what happened still hurt? Heck yes! But the anxiety that was crippling me is gone. I went from not sleeping and not being able to concentrate to sleeping like a baby and becoming my focused ole self.

It was during one of my therapy sessions that I realized my trust in God was not as grand as I once thought. All I could think about was all the unknowns. Will mom and I ever have a healthy relationship again? Will dad be ok? What’s dad’s future going to look like? What’s my future going to look like? These thoughts and my anxiety consumed every ounce of me.  I finally realized in order to have peace back in my life, I had to increase my trust in God.  And turn it over to Him to make it right again. It was like during the midst of this tragedy I forgot what kind of God I served. I serve the God that no matter what has all the unknowns taken care of. No matter how ugly or hurtful everything was at times, that He would see me through. In the end everything would be ok. There is no greater source of comfort or peace. The God of the universe has it all under HIS control.

July 2 Jesus Calling

Disciple your thoughts to trust Me as I work My ways in your life. Pray about everything and then leave the outcome to Me. Do not fear My will, for through it I accomplished what is best for you. Take a deep breath and dive into the depths of my absolute trust.

July 5 Jesus Calling

Whenever you start to feel anxious, remind yourself that your security rests in Me alone, and I am totally trustworthy. You will never be in control of your life circumstances, but you can relax and trust in My control. Instead of thriving for a predictable, safe lifestyle, seek to know Me in greater depth.

Sweet Missy

My childhood dog who lived with us this past year passed away a couple of weeks ago. Ironically, it was on our wedding anniversary while we were at the beach. Missy was in Florence at the house where we both grew up.

It was love at first sight for me and that pup. When I was in the 6th grade, my parents told me I could get a dog for Christmas. My parents spent time researching the best dog breed and patrolling the paper for that perfect dog. A local civic organization hosted a live television auction on channel 3 (which in most small towns is "the local channel") every year before Christmas. I was flipping through every so often on that Saturday morning and the lights from heaven shined down on this tee tiny black and white puppy. She was eight weeks old, from the local pound. The starting bid was $20 which not only included the adorable dog but also free spaying and 10 free visits to Di's Dip and Clip..  I tell no lie! I ran down the stairs as fast as I could yelling for dad to turn it on channel 3.  He did as I demanded. I picked up the phone. "I'm bidding $40." My dad quickly told me I could bid $25 and that was it. No other bids. No matter what. Well just as luck would have it. I was the only person that made a bid on that sweet mutt. 

Missy came to live with us last year. I will be forever thankful for this extra time I spent with her. It's crazy to think about just how long I had her. I am so thankful for each one of those 16 years. 

While it wasn't easy saying goodbye, I am thankful she did passed away "at home." I just hate my poor dad had to suffer another loss. It's crazy but the night we left her in Florence before we headed to the beach, I couldn't help but think that Missy felt my pain of being back home with mom gone. As crazy as it sounds, I know she sensed the change and the deep hurt within me that last night I stood with her in the backyard of both our childhood home. I can't help but think that Missy knew it would be best to go while I was away.... I without a doubt know the Big Man Upstairs did. It's overwhelming to think that God even planned the right time for my dog to pass away but He did. He knew how much worse it would have hurt to have seen Missy in her final hour. He knew how much heartache I've endured this year. 

While we've since adopted a new dog, there will never be another Missy.  That crazy wild pup turned into the most laid back and loyal dogs. We will miss you, sweet Missy but we know you are running around and feasting on the best table scraps heaven has. 

Happy Anniversary

This week G and I will celebrate four years of marriage. It is so hard to believe. I guess we are no longer newlyweds nor have we been for a while. I can honestly say I still look back on our wedding day and say it was the best day of my life.... Hopefully G feels the same way, ha. I will never forget the energy, the love and the fun of that day.  I wish I could go back in time and soak it all in.

Oddly enough, my parents divorce has had many relationships in my life stronger and that includes the one with my husband. G has seen me at my absolute worst several times over the last seven months. Yet he has stood beside me in every sense of the word. I cannot imagine him being more patient, understanding and supportive. For that, I am upmost grateful and have found a whole new respect and love for him. I am also determined to protect our marriage at whatever the cost. I never want to take the easy road when things get hard. Life isn't rainbows and butterflies. It is hard.  Marriage is hard. It is also one of the greatest blessings in life but like anything you have to work at it. I'm so thankful for God designing us for a partnership with our mate. I cannot imagine life without a partner after having one for four years.  There is no one else in this world that I would want to walk step by step in this roller coaster of a life than my G. Thank you for being the most patient man on earth and loving me for me. 

Quiche

This recipe is a variation of a quiche featured in Southern Living this month but no flour or evaporated milk (yuck, that stuff grosses me out). It also makes two quiches and you might as well because those frozen pie crust come in packages of two. We believe in having leftovers around here or one to share. We're Baptist so food curses all.

Two frozen pie crusts

3 large eggs

1 cup milk

1/2 cup chopped onion

1/2 cup chopped green pepper 

1 lb ground pork or turkey sausage 

1 1/2 cup shredded cheese 

Salt and pepper to taste. 

Cook (brown) sausage in skillet for 10 minutes or until brown. Drain grease but save 1 tbs of  grease. Sauté onion and green pepper until tender in saved grease. Whisk three eggs in a mixing bowl and mix remaining ingredients together, divide and pour into frozen pie shells. Bake for 40-45 minutes at 350 degrees. 

Tips: 

Buy frozen chopped green peppers and onions. 

Bake pie crust for 5 minutes before ingredients are poured in. Helps to have a more flakey bottom. 

Pot Roast

I have finally mastered Pot Roast in the crock pot! It took some time but I finally have a recipe that is amazing. It makes the beef so tender that it falls apart with the touch of your fork. It is a dish G doesn't mind eating leftovers all week. So here it goes….

Ingredients:

1 Chuck Roast

1 packet of Lipton Onion Soup Mix

1 can of Cream of Mushroom Soup

1 cup of water

In crock pot mix together 1 cup of water, packet of Lipton Onion Soup Mix and can of Cream of Mushroom Soup. Once ingredients are mixed, placed chuck roast on top of mix and spoon some of the mix over the top of the chuck roast. Cook on low for 8 hours.

Some people cook their veggies (typically carrots and potatoes) along with their roast and that is perfectly fine to do with this recipe. However, I prefer to cook my veggies separately. In a 9x13 pan, I roast my diced potatoes and baby carrots in extra virgin olive oil along with salt and pepper and sometimes onion in the oven on 350 degrees for 45 minutes. I just prefer the taste and this way all of my food doesn’t taste the exact same. This dish is also paired well with good ole mashed taters and green beans.

Hope you enjoy this good ole comfort meal

Wasn't I Just Talking About This

I Want to See the SON Even When It Rains

I had an ah ha moment tonight as Oprah would say. So many times lately I've focused on how different my life will look once my parents divorce and all the stuff I will be missing out on. I also think about my relationship with my mom and how drastic it has changed. I allow myself to question if I'm the person she sees me as. 

But then tonight I began to think about all the amazing friends I have.  They love me for me.  The Amy that can be controlling, has to eat every so often, can be a neat freak and a slob, can sleep all day and has to have things a certain way. Yet they still choose to love me. They opted to spend time with me. They take every opportunity to encourage me, to support me, to guide me and to love me. So many people would die to have those friendships. And I have them. Those are the relationships that are going to have my focus. 

This year is supposed to be the year I focus on my blessings. As you may remember, for my birthday in September I began a gratitude journal and started writing down something new to be thankful for each and every day. Sometimes I'm not going to lie, I really have to search a little too long for something to be thankful for because the day has been so crummy. I want to change that. I want to continue to see the SON (Son of God) even when it rains. I truly want to train my thoughts to think of all that I have instead of all that I'm lacking. 

So hold me accountable friends.