Wasn't I Just Talking About This

I Want to See the SON Even When It Rains

I had an ah ha moment tonight as Oprah would say. So many times lately I've focused on how different my life will look once my parents divorce and all the stuff I will be missing out on. I also think about my relationship with my mom and how drastic it has changed. I allow myself to question if I'm the person she sees me as. 

But then tonight I began to think about all the amazing friends I have.  They love me for me.  The Amy that can be controlling, has to eat every so often, can be a neat freak and a slob, can sleep all day and has to have things a certain way. Yet they still choose to love me. They opted to spend time with me. They take every opportunity to encourage me, to support me, to guide me and to love me. So many people would die to have those friendships. And I have them. Those are the relationships that are going to have my focus. 

This year is supposed to be the year I focus on my blessings. As you may remember, for my birthday in September I began a gratitude journal and started writing down something new to be thankful for each and every day. Sometimes I'm not going to lie, I really have to search a little too long for something to be thankful for because the day has been so crummy. I want to change that. I want to continue to see the SON (Son of God) even when it rains. I truly want to train my thoughts to think of all that I have instead of all that I'm lacking. 

So hold me accountable friends. 

The Roller Coaster Continues

This roller coaster that I’m on has more twist and turns, highs and lows than any other imaginable. I wish the stupid ride would just stop. I’ve grown a lot through the highs and lows. A lot of great stuff has happened lately but there are moments when the lows try to trump all the good. Take two weeks ago for instance. It had been a great week both professionally and personally. Then I receive a text from home in Alabama and it does something to me. I know I need to just let it go and push those feelings aside but as I am thinking this I am calling that number. The next thing I know, I am in a fit of range. Words and her actions have attacked my core once again and I’m attacking back. I’m spewing out words, crying hysterically and snorting up snot all the while, I am frantically walking through my house getting ready to host an executive committee meeting. Sadly this is not the first time this has happened. I think I’ve mastered the act of “getting it together” after a meltdown and before an important event. That’s the funny part. I can be poised and pleasant around everyone in the entire world except this one person. She knows where to go and she goes for it. I on the other hand, know how to conduct myself and know what I am supposed to do but no matter what the worst in me comes out. How can someone bring out the absolute worst about you? You see I know all the right things to say not just to people but also about my walk with Christ. Let’s be really real…. sometimes Christians just pick up the lingo without picking up the real meaning of our words. I really have done a lot of growing the last few weeks and truly felt some of those right things to say. I’ve made tremendous strides. I really am thankful for the heartache because of the growth I’ve experienced. I place a high value on my greater dependence on God. Yet, I can say and feel that but I spew words like I am Satan himself and I’m not brining any glory to God during these moments. How do I make it stop? Should I just stop talking to my mom? Yes, I said my mom. I don’t understand how the woman that gave me life can bring out the worst in me. I never imagined the hurt she would cause and the anger that would explode within me. How do I stop this nasty cycle? The only way I see is to stop talking to her a while. But when is that deemed suitable? The most peace I’ve experienced is when I am not in contact with her. I know what light this puts me in. However, I just want to be real. Life cannot always be seen through rose colored glasses and sometimes we can’t even pretend. As much as I would like to say that now I get it. Now I have a plan. Now I can hold myself together. I don’t get it. I don’t have a plan. And as much as I would like to hold myself together, my track record is not promising. I don’t have an important message in all of this except for the acknowledgement that I do not have it all together. I am not always that girl you see at the boardroom table. And my not so proud moments give me another reason to be thankful for God’s grace and mercy. Without it I would just be the girl that knows all the right things to say and feel but would have no one to wipe me clean when I fall into the dirty pit of despair.

Move Over the Millers

CBS debuted a new sitcom this fall called “The Millers.” It was an immediate new favorite of mine. The sitcom is about two grown children whose parents divorce. It’s very ironic to me that this is now one of my favorite shows because this sitcom is living out a funnier and friendlier version of the nightmare I am living through.

 

My parents will be divorced soon. WOW! It still stops me in my tracks. It can’t be my life. No, my parents loved and adored each other.  They were also best friends. Suddenly this all changed without any warning. I’m still recovering from the shock that my mother moved out and filed for divorce without any warning and no explanation. There was no phone call, no text, and no visit. I bawled my eyes out watching “Parenthood” last week. Yes, I know I watch way too much TV. One of the couples sat their small children down to tell them that daddy was moving out because they fought too much. Boy, did that hit a little too close to home! The foundation of the battles (fights are too civil for what we’ve been having) I’ve been having with my mother all go back to the fact that this has all happened without any warning. Imagine calling home on a Sunday evening after a trip and ask to talk to mom before you run into the grocery for a recipe and be told by your dad that she’s moved out. Each time I bring this up to my mom, I am told her divorce doesn’t concern me or that it has no effect on me. No effect! Are you serious? Obviously her parents are still married. Now my parents will reside at two different places. My childhood home now is missing my mother. This impacts everything: birth of future children, birthdays, holidays, every day life and you can’t forget funerals.  I want to kick and scream that this is not fair. I can’t help but feel like my life has been a complete lie. Just on my birthday in September, my mother posted on Facebook that the greatest men to ever walk this earth were my father and G. How can I not feel like my life has been lie? How can something change so drastically within a person without a warning sign to anyone? I am told this feeling like your life was a lie is a natural reaction for adults whose parents are divorcing.  But enough of that. I’ve done pretty well at focusing on the good in my life but I still have moments such as now when I want to wallow in all the hurt.

God has been gently reminding me that I’ve depended on my parents too strongly for too long. My dependence should lie within Him. But it has been so easy to rely on my fleshly father when he is right there and always there. It’s been a spiritual battle within me as I realize that only my Heavenly Father can make it all right. He can wipe away this hurt and anger that I have and use it for His glory. I just need to work towards getting there.

What a Difference a Week Makes

Wow. Last week was a doozy. There is nothing more stressful than having a very sick loved one and nothing you can do to help (except lay it in God's hands). I don't want to go into details about what happened out of respect for my family. But the reason for this post is to express my overwhelming gratitude for the AMAZING and BEST support system anyone could ever ask for. I never knew how truly loved and cared for I was until last week. All the prayers, kind words and continuous texts and phone calls held me together when I felt like I was going to crumble apart. Great things happen when you have a network of people praying for you and great things have. I am beyond blessed to be so cared for and to have friends who pray for each other. So if you sent a text, made a call or said a prayer last week for my family and me, THANK YOU.

And thank you Lord for carrying me through and giving me so many amazing friends. God is so good and faithful.

Allison

I’ve been proud of my friends before but I don’t think anything even comes close to how proud I’ve been of my friend Allison these last four days. Allison lost her mother to an aggressive and a considerably short battle with cancer on Friday afternoon. The service for her mother yesterday was nothing like I’ve ever experienced. It was such an amazing tribute to her mother and an even greater one to the God her mother so devotedly served. The song “I Can Only Imagine” was played yesterday at the funeral. This song has always had an overwhelming emotional effect on me. I cannot listen to it without crying. The thought of one day standing in the Glory of God brings me to tears. Yesterday, the song literally took my breath away. I think the entire congregation heard me gasp for air between my sobs. Just thinking about Allison’s mom there with her new heavenly body that is cancer free standing in the presence of our Savior was a true worship experience unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.  I left there yesterday feeling so close to God and in awe of all His wonder.

God laid two important lessons on me during the service. One is I want to live a life worthy of my calling. I want to impact the lives of others and serve mankind just as Mrs. Hinton did. She was a great example of a servant heart. The things she did were not always something noticed or acknowledged at the time either. One example is she would smock burial gowns for stillborn babies. I cannot imagine the impact those small gowns had on so many grieving family members. I really left there thinking that I need to be doing more. I need to show others the love of Christ through service. Secondly, Mrs. Hinton was in full submission to God. She surrendered everything to Him. Throughout her battle with cancer, she would always say she would be healed by God, whether that was on Earth or in Heaven. She prayed for His Will to be done over all else when it came to how she was healed. Her full trust was completely in Him.

When I told Allison last night that she and her family did an amazing job planning the service and that I was so proud of her grace through it all, she quickly reminded me that the praise belonged to God and not to her. She faced the hardest thing any of us in our group of friends has faced and she did it with such grace. She has continued to praise Him in this storm. She hasn’t questioned His ways but has accepted His will. She has actively chosen to see God. While others would declare this a tragedy and question God, Allison has acknowledged God’s will was done. Not only has she continued her mother’s legacy through doing this but she has also honored her Heavenly Father. And all this is why I cannot be any prouder of her.

I feel like I should also mention how humbled I am to have such an amazing core group of friends. We came from all over and dropped everything to be there for Allison. My friend Ashley and her husband, David drove from Chattanooga, TN to Florence, AL and back in one day just so that they could be there on the day of the visitation. A large crew of us all piled into my parents’ house for two days just to be there in Florence. We wanted to be there to pay our respects and offer whatever support we could. The support and love that was there this weekend was beyond overwhelming to all of us. Allison’s baby girl, Alexis is probably happy not to have at least three of her mom’s sorority sisters in her face at all times. Although, we did have a lot of fun fussing over her and blowing bubbles in the backyard. I know Allison was extremely grateful and honored by not only our presence but the presence of so many. The line at the visitation wrapped around the funeral home. I think this speaks volume to Allison and her family as well. I’ve always said Allison is the friend that will drop anything for any of us, no matter what it is. I am so pleased we were able to do that for her. I am so thankful for the gift of friendship.    

Allison wrote these words below and they were shared at the service yesterday. As the preacher who read this said, “This was spoken better than any Baptist preacher.” Allison, my friend, you have a gift in your writing. You also have the gift of a servant heart just like your mother and you’re a Godly lady that seeks Him first. You demonstrate love just as 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 reads. And that my friend, will forever make me proud of you.  I also acknowledge that the glory does belong to Him above.

 

To some of you she is known as a teacher, friend, mentor, creative individual, seamstress, quilter and even more characteristics than I can think of at the moment. To one person for 42 years she is known as wife and companion. To mine and my sisters’ children she is known as grand momma and finally to my sister and I she is simply known as mom.

I kept thinking of this verse and this version throughout the time we have all been on this journey. It was a quick nine months but even with all the ups and downs along the way one thing remained the same LOVE, I witnessed firsthand 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offence; and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.”

To endure whatever comes, my dad showed this above all measure. He nurtured her, had everything programmed down to the second as to where he wouldn’t miss one little thing. He prayed along with my sister and I without ceasing for ultimate healing, Earthly or Heavenly. There was always trust and hope in the LORD and knowing that he is in control.

From the very start of this journey mom always told us that wither she had Earthly healing or Heavenly healing she was a winner either way. Selfishly we all wanted her here with us, but the LORD knew that he was preparing a place for her and knew just when he was going to call her home to him.

It was a pleasure and humbling experience I know for me and I’m sure my sister too, to be able to be there these past few weeks. Take some of the weight off of dad, sit there and talk with mom, pray for her, just be near her. Witness her visits with the grandchildren and her sons-in-laws. We all have our meeting places with her in Heaven and what a wonderful reunion that will be.

Our mom might not be physically with us anymore but she is and always will be forever present in our lives. The values, beliefs and traditions that she incorporated into our family will live on. The memories of her loving our children so much that no matter what was going on that day she would always come to their aid if one of them was sick or just needed her. One time she drove from Mississippi after taking care of Caleb back to the house in Florence to repack and drive all the way to Nashville to take care of Alexis all in the same day. That was just another way that she showed her love not only to the grandchildren but to us girls.

Some parents you can ask which child do you love more, now smart parents will say I love all my children the same. My mom was a smart lady, even though I tried to get her to slip up from time and time and admit it was me. But mom truly loved her children the same, neither Adrienne or I lacked the same amount of love, it might have been expressed differently from time to time but she loved us both very much and did everything in her power to make sure that we were ok. Mom would say that God gives you children to keep your prayer life current. Those long time friends of the family know exactly what we are talking about, if it wasn’t a four wheeler wreck resulting in a coma in Birmingham Hospital or Kidney Stones resulting in being airlifted from the Bahamas to Florida or numerous other illnesses and accidents. Mom would also say that my guardian angel was off playing in left field when some of those things took place. Well now I know not to worry anymore about my angel getting off track. Our mom is in heaven today glorifying God with her new cancer free body. And she is also giving our guardian angels just a few pointers on how to take care of us just a little better.

We don’t look at it as mom lost her battle, she got the ultimate prize. Being in Heaven with our Heavenly Father, who we will all see not all too soon enough. The angels were rejoicing when mom walked through those heavenly gates on Friday and she not only walked but ran into the arms of Jesus and all of those we have lost before.

 If you walk away from here to remember anything remember that through everything she did, she did it through love.

                “These three things continue forever: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is love.”

                                1 Corinthians 13:13

And her love for the lord, family and friends has left an imprint on our hearts that will last forever.

 

Gone but not forgotten,
a memory deep in my heart,
a promise of tomorrow,
of one day we won’t part,
You went ahead of me,
seeing all I want to see,
but I know where you will wait for me,
its just beyond where I can see,

time might be slow before we go home,
to reunite on Gods golden shore,
but I know where you wait for me,
its where you have no pain anymore.

I know where you wait for me,
in the presence of our King,
He’s preparing a place for me,
only he knows how long I’ll be.

But I know where you wait for me,
It’s just beyond where I can see.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Father's Day

I'm so thankful that at 45 years old my dad didn't think he was too old to start all over and have another child. I'm beyond blessed to have Billy S. as my dad. I'm not only thankful to have him as my dad but I realize there was a great advantage to having an older dad. While I certainly didn't always love it growing up (like when the lady at the grocery store asked if I was having fun with my grandpa), I see now the many benefits that I reaped. I often times have a completely different outlook on life than many of my peers. I mostly credit that to my father who was born in 1939. While my beginnings were no where as humble as his, he still installed in me the value of a dollar and hard work. He also lived a life of integrity for me to witness. When I was little I asked why he went into work so early since he was the boss. I will never forget him telling me he wouldn't require something from someone else that he didn't require from himself.
I often find myself quoting my dad or sharing his wisdom with others. His wise counsel is one I consult and consider countless times on a daily basis. From situations at work to buying a new house, I turn to him. He is my voice of reason. There is nothing my dad would not do and has not done for me. I love you, Dad!

Stuck

 

I feel fortunate to have close friends that share in my passion for adoption. One of my friends, Trina, recently sent me a trailer for a new documentary about adoption and its need for reform. It is called Stuck. The premises behind the documentary is to expose the current wait time with international adoptions and other obstacles that are keeping children in orphanages and away from their forever homes. In a great sense these children really are stuck. This past Friday, Trina and I watched Stuck. It is incredible. These families’stories will leave a lasting impression on your heart. I pray this documentary starts conversations and changes current policies. We have to begin to put people over policy. You can watch it online at www.stuckdocumentary.com. I would encourage everyone to watch it or at least watch the trailer shown below.

Also, please take one minute to sign a petition asking congress, global leaders and President Obama to take specific actions to change the landscape of adoptions. http://www.change.org/petitions/make-a-child-s-right-to-a-family-our-priority

 

Happy Birthday Isaiah & Evelyn

We celebrated Isaiah and Evelyn's birthday last weekend. Isaiah turned 8 on Monday and Evelyn turns 5 next week. I don't know where the time has gone.

Greyson and I have aunt and uncle guilt because we do not see the kids as often as we would like. We decided to take them to dinner at Logan's Saturday night.

They felt so big to go out to eat with us. And since we picked up their birthday cakes for Heather, we had to have dessert at Baskin Robbins.

Heather and Michael threw a family party for them on Sunday. Isaiah's big gift was an I-pod. His Uncle Greyson taught him how to FaceTime. We've had fun talking to him this week. Evelyn got lots of dolls and Barbies. Ruby and I are working on bonding. She's become rather attached to her momma. I miss my sweet cuddle time with her. I guess I need to see her more often. Check out these sweet kiddos. (And yes, Ruby's hair bow is BIG. The Painter women believe the bigger the bow the closer to God... Ha ha!)

Looking Back: 2012 in Pictures

Welcomed the New Year in Phenix City, AL with Ashley, David, Trina, Marshall, and Alex.



 

Bought our first home in January.

 

March was full of birthdays and weddings.

Isaiah & Evelyn's birthday party

 

Joseph & Breanne's wedding

 

Brant & Megan's wedding

 

 

Spent some time with both of my great-nephews in April.

 

Celebrated John's 7th birthday with a party in the park in May.

 

Spent a week at the amazing house with the Painter family in Pawleys Island in June. 

 

Celebrated Memorial Day and the 4th of July at the Painter's pool.

 

 

Went on a much needed and overdue girls' trip to Birmingham in July.

 

 

 

We went to Cookeville in August for Greyson to play in a memorial tournament for his former college coach.

 

In September, the two of us went to Saint Simons Island.

 

 

Joint Birthday Party with Trina.

 

Elizabeth & Ryan's wedding in September.

 

David's Surprise 30th Birthday in Chattanooga.

 

Volunteered at Wine Around the Square with ZTA in September for breast cancer awareness and research.

 

MTSU's Homecoming in October.

 

MYP's Brewsboro  to benefit United Way in October.

 

Dad and Keith's birthday in October.

 

Auburn vs. Vanderbilt Game.

 

Thanksgiving in Culleoka with the Stokes Family.

Christmas at the Painter's.

 

And we ended the year just like we started with great friends welcoming the New Year.

 

 



Day 17: 30 Days of Thanks

I'm thankful for my in-laws. They always put family first. My mother-in-law is the most thoughtful lady I've ever met. She is always happily doing for others. Each one of them has made me feel special and welcome since day one. I'm so grateful to have gained such a loving family when I married Greyson.

Day 13: 30 Days of Thanks

Today I am thankful for the past four days I've had off of work. I don't think I realized just how much I needed it. I feel like I've been going nonstop since August.... Oh wait, I have.

I also got to spend the day with my two nieces. We cuddled up on the couch and watched Cinderella. I was able to give my sister-in-law a much needed break.

And I am also thankful the surgery of my friend's mom went well. She still has another hurdle so please keep her in your prayers.

Day 10: 30 Days of Thanks

Today (and each and every day) I'm thankful for the best parents this girl could ever dream of having. For those of you who know me well, you know I adore my parents. Their dedication to each other, myself and G is remarkable. They provided me with the strongest foundation to the person I am today. I owe it all to them. Their devotion to God, hard work, compassion for others and values was demonstrated daily. I just hope they know how much I love and appreciate
them and the home I was raised in.
I'm also thankful for the friends they are to me now as an adult. They are my sounding boards for everything. I love spending time with them. I'm so thankful our strong bonds.

Day 7: 30 Days of Thanks

This is somewhat of a duplicate of yesterday's. But how could I not be thankful for this special evening of meeting my niece, Ruby? I also got to see her meet her brother and sister for the first time.

(For some reason this didn't publish yesterday.)